Train has a song called “Hey, Soul Sister” that was all the rage a few summers back. For most of us, as time went on, the song underwent the natural progression of pop hits that are played on the radio:
1) You hear the song for the very first time and think to yourself, “Wow, this song is pretty awesome!”
2) Every time the song comes on the radio from that point onward, you get incredibly excited, turning it up as loud as possible and singing along, even if you don’t know all the words yet (e.g. “Your lipstick STAAAAYYYSSS on the FALL ROBE of my left STRIDDDEE VEINSSSSS”).
3) The song is officially “your jam.” You know it inside and out.
4) Mere days or weeks later, the song reaches the point of “overplay” for you - the point where you can’t even turn on the radio with hearing it. As such, the novelty is beginning to wear out. You’ll still listen, but often it’s just because you feel a sort of obligation to this song you once loved.
5) That obligation is gone. You officially can’t stand the song anymore. If you hear those opening chords, you flip the dial as quickly as you can, even if it means changing to a station playing a Nickelback song.
6) Months down the road, when the popularity has died down a bit, you might hear the song again, and think to yourself, “Hey, I remember this song!” You don’t sing along, but it doesn’t bother you enough to change the station…at least not immediately. You’re likely to let it run for a full minute or so. You’ve reached an uneasy alliance.
That’s what happened to me with “Hey, Soul Sister.” That whole chain. Leading up until yesterday when I heard the song on the radio again for the first time in a long time and felt a wave of nostalgia and let it play.
Then when it was over, I turned my radio down and thought about the stupid lyrics I’d just heard, and I was like, “What the deuce?”
Because, okay.
“Hey, Soul Sister…”
Stop. Let’s analyze this line, shall we? Our protagonist is singing about a girl to whom he is romantically interested, yes? Then why, oh why, would he call this woman his soul SISTER? I would assume it’s because “sister” rhymes better with the next lines “Mr. Mister” better than a word like, oh, I don’t know, “mate” would. But seriously. Don’t call your girlfriend your soul sister. She’s not related to your soul; what you want to say is that she’s connected to your soul. Get it right, Train. Unless I’m reading the song way differently than was intended, and he meant “SOLE sister,” as in, he and his lady love have impressively similar tastes in shoes. If that’s what they were going for, then I guess I’ll have to give them a pass.
Also, next line: “Ain’t that Mr. Mister on the radio?”
What radio are you guys listening to that’s playing Mr. Mister? For that matter, when is the last time anyone heard Mr. Mister on the radio? And, look, I love “Broken Wings” as much as the next 80s music nerd, but really, Train? Most people 25 and under have no freaking clue what you’re talking about. And you know what else? “Sister” is such a weird word to build a rhyme around that Train totally could have done a slant rhyme OR even just picked a random, not-as-obscure singer or band to fill that slot, and the song would have made just as much sense and flowed just as well. Example: “Hey, Soul Sister, ain’t that Jay and Kanye on the radio, stereo…” See? And now it’s relevant.
Also, what was the point of bringing up Mr. Mister in the first place? What does it add to the song aside from him being able to be all insider-ly referential? “Sara,” you might say, “he brings up Mr. Mister because his soul sister is dancing to the music! He even says ‘The way you move ain’t fair.’ That’s obvs why it’s in there.”
To that, I say, “Nay.” That is not the reason it’s in there. And if it was, then my revised lyric about Kanye and Jay-Z makes WAY more sense! The most popular Mr. Mister song, as I already said, was “Broken Wings.” That’s a BALLAD, people. Who is moving enviously to a freaking BALLAD? Unless she’s getting her interpretive dance on. In which case, more power to your soul sister, Train guy, but who starts busting out interpretive dance moves to a song they’re hearing on the radio? I would be willing to wager that it is a shockingly small amount. You know what kind of songs people DO bust out dance moves to? Uptempo songs. And songs NOT by Mr. Mister.
Then, Train guys says this gem: “I’m so glad you have a one track mind like me; you gave my life direction.” How is she giving his life direction? They both have the very same one track mind. If anything, she’s not giving his life direction, but instead joining him in the direction he was already heading. A much less romantic sentiment, but there you are.
Oh, yeah! The best part! When Train guys sings this: “The way you cut a rug, watching you is the only drug I need.”
Actually, I’m okay with that line. It makes sense; he likes watching his girl dance. And, bonus, it keeps our lead singer off drugs, so way to go, soul sister, I’ll credit you for that.
No, it’s the line that follows: “So gangster, I’m so thug.” What the crap? Where did that come from? And what about anything he just said implies being a gangster OR a thug? He didn’t even mention Kanye or Jay-Z like I did! That would have at least done a little bit to add credence to his delusions of thug-dom. You know what you did mention, Train? You mentioned Mr. Mister and Madonna and you even said that you and your lady had a “game show love connection.” Somehow, I don’t think a lot of gangsters and thugs are watching GSN and the Newlywed Game.
Train guy, you’re not a gangster or a thug. You’re just a guy with a girlfriend he calls his sister and a profound affinity for 80s music and probably interpretive dance.
In summation, this song is ridiculous. And I slightly regret the month I had it as my ringtone.
